Jellicle Superstar
by Presto
Summary: (CATS/JCSfic) I knew I would be able to write a comedy if I put my mind to it! :-D Okay, the cats are performing JCS again. Only this time, it's funny! Hopefully. My brother helped me write this one. Please R/R/E for enjoy! :-D =^.".^=


(author's note) okay the usual stuff. CATS is owned by TS Elliot, Andrew Lloyd Webber and RUG. JCS is owned by Andrew Lloyd Webber, Tim Rice and RUG.   
(PS) I don't really act like this I promise!  
  
  
(who) Me, my little bro who co-wrote this story with me who's screen name is Fries_and_a_Coke, FAC for short, the jellicle tribe and Macavity  
(what) a dress rehearsal for a production of Jesus Christ Superstar  
(when) daytime  
(where) a small community theater that seats 200 ppl  
(why) cuz I want to  
(how) I don't know, you can be the judge of that  
  
(cast list)  
(in no order whatsoever)  
Jesus/ Munkustrap or Munk  
Judas/ Rum Tum Tugger or Tugger  
Caiaphas/ Old Deuteronomy or Old D  
Herod/ Bustopher Jones or Bust  
Annas/ Asparagus or Gus (the young one not the old one)  
Pilot/ Macavity or Mac  
Mary Magdalene/ Bombalurina or Bomb  
Peter/ Alonzo or Alonzo :-)  
Simon the Zealot/ Mistoffelees or Misto  
Apostle & Ensemble/ Rum Tum Tugger, Alonzo, Mistoffelees, Skimbleshanks (or Skimble), Tumblebrutus (or Tumble), Pouncival (or Pounce), Plato, Admetus, Macavity, Mungojerrie (or Mungo), Grumbuskin (or Grumb), Carbakettey (or Carb)  
Ensemble Girls/ Demeter, Cassandra (or Cass), Electra, Etcetera (or Etc), Victoria (or Vic), Jemima (or Jem), Exotica (or Tica), Tantomile (or Tant), Jennyanydots (or Jenny), Jellyorum (or Jelly), Rumpleteazer (or Rumple)  
  
(set the scene)  
The jellicle cats, and Macavity who is NOT a jellicle cat, are sitting in the first few rows laughing and talking and drinking sodas and eating chips and candy bars and other fattening snack foods. FAC and I enter the house and sit in the center of the third row to the back. I set down my backpack, put on a black baseball cap that says 'director' in white letters and look up.  
  
PRESTO  
Okay cats, on the stage!  
  
*the cats get onstage*  
  
FAC  
*points to Munk*  
You, put down the coke! No drinks onstage!  
  
PRESTO  
They're cats, they don't drink coke.  
  
FAC  
Fine then, put down the PEPSI!  
  
PRESTO  
Oh please.  
  
*Munk's soda disappears, Munk glares at Misto, Misto shrugs*  
  
MISTO  
don't look at me!  
  
*Munk points to FAC*  
  
MUNK  
Who the Heavyside is he and what the Heavyside is he doing here?  
  
PRESTO  
Munkustrap, watch your language!  
  
FAC  
I thought this was a G rated story  
  
PRESTO  
shut up  
  
ETCETERA  
how rude!  
  
MUNK  
hellooooo?  
  
FAC  
*putting on a dumb annoying grin*  
hi  
  
MUNK  
*rolls eyes*  
Presto, who is he?  
  
PRESTO  
Everyone, this is my brother.  
  
MUNK  
What's he doing here?  
  
PRESTO  
he's co-producer  
  
TUGGER  
Co-what?  
  
FAC  
Producer. PRO-DUC-ER!  
  
TUGGER  
Alright, alright.  
  
*Tugger struts over to me*  
  
TUGGER  
Wha'd he say?  
  
PRESTO  
Never mind.  
  
BOMB  
Hello people, are we rehearsing or not?!  
  
TOMS PLAYING DISCIPLES  
Or not!  
  
BOMB  
shut up  
  
ETCETERA  
how rude!  
  
PRESTO  
Bomb's right everyone! Places!  
  
*there's a groan from pretty much everyone as they enter the wings*  
  
PRESTO  
Right, let's take it from the top.  
  
*house fades to black, overture begins*  
  
FAC  
nothing's happening  
  
PRESTO  
it's the overture, nothing's supposed to happen  
  
FAC  
oh  
  
*fac reads what I just typed*  
  
FAC  
wait! no H  
  
PRESTO  
whatever  
  
FAC  
o  
  
*FAC reads it again*  
  
FAC  
it's supposed to be capitalized  
  
PRESTO  
WHATEVER!  
  
FAC  
O  
  
*he reads*  
  
FAC  
That's better.  
  
PRESTO  
*rolls eyes*  
It's going to be one of those days.  
  
*music for "Heaven on Their Minds" starts, lights come up on. . .an empty stage*  
  
FAC  
isn't there supposed to be someone ON the stage?  
  
PRESTO  
Tugger, get out here!  
  
*Tugger peeks out from behind the stage left curtain*  
  
TUGGER  
say please  
  
PRESTO  
no, get out here or you're fired!  
  
*Tugger doesn't move*  
  
FAC  
You're fired!  
  
*Tugger puts on those irritatingly adorable kitty eyes*  
  
FAC  
Fine, you got your job back. Just get onstage!  
  
TUGGER  
I'm goin, I'm goin!  
*gets onstage*  
My mind is clearer now  
at last  
all too well  
I can see  
where we all  
soon will be  
*he catches sight of his reflection in a mirror offstage and continues to sing while fixing his mane*  
If you strip away  
the myth  
from the man  
you will see  
where we all  
soon will be.  
  
FAC  
this is BORING  
  
*tugger stops*  
  
TUGGER  
who said that?!  
  
*fac points to me*  
  
PRESTO  
definitely one of those days  
  
*I take a remote control out of my back pack and point it at Tugger, I hit fast forward, he sings the rest of the song in fast motion, I hit play*  
  
FAC  
what was that?  
  
*I quickly hide the remote*  
  
PRESTO  
caffeine surge.  
  
FAC  
wow  
  
PRESTO  
Where's Munkustrap?  
  
*munkustrap enters center stage followed by twelve other toms singing "What's the Buzz?"*  
  
MUNK  
Why should you want to know?  
Don't you mind about the future  
Don't you try to think ahead  
  
TUGGER  
HAH! coming from someone who was a tomscout  
  
MUNK  
shut up!  
  
ETCETERA  
How rude!  
  
*Bomb and Demeter start giggling*  
  
BOMB  
Munkustrap was a tomscout?  
  
DEMETER  
Isn't that cute!  
  
*Munk turns bright red*  
  
MUNK  
I'm gunna get you for that Tugger  
  
TUGGER  
ooooooh, I'm scared!  
  
PRESTO  
just get on with it!  
  
TOMS  
what's the buzz, tell me what's happening  
what's the buzz, tell me what's happening  
*it repeats a few times*  
  
MUNK  
Why shouldjoo want to know. . .  
  
*Electra runs onstage*  
  
ELECTRA  
Presto!  
  
PRESTO  
Electra, you're not on yet!  
  
ELECTRA  
But he's jooing!  
  
MUNK  
Are you accusing me of bad diction?!  
  
ELECTRA  
The line is, "why should you," not, "why shouldjoo."  
  
PRESTO  
Electra, just forget about it!  
  
ELECTRA  
But. . .  
  
PRESTO  
Macavity? Would you mind?  
  
MACAVITY  
Not at all.  
  
*Macavity picks up Electra and carries her offstage right still screaming about Munkustrap's diction*  
  
PRESTO  
Okay, let's keep going!  
  
*they continue to sing the song*  
  
BOMB  
*takes Munk by the arm and leads him to a cushion on a platform center stage left*  
Let me try to cool down your face a bit  
Let me try to cool down your face a bit  
Let me try to cool down your face a bit  
Let me try to cool down your face a bit  
  
FAC  
*aside to me*  
her lines are easy to memorize huh?  
  
PRESTO  
shhh!  
  
MUNK  
Mary, mmm that is good. . .  
  
FAC  
*aside*  
What's good? I didn't see him eat anything.  
  
PRESTO  
SHHH!  
  
*the song continues, Tugger walks up behind Munk and Bomb and starts to sing "Strange Thing Mystifying"*  
  
TUGGER  
It seems to me a strange thing mystifying. . .  
  
(see? what'd I tell ya :-)  
  
TUGGER  
. . .that a man like you can waste your time on women of her kind.  
  
MUNK  
*aside to Bomb*  
Someone's jealous!  
  
*Bomb giggles*  
  
TUGGER  
Shut up!  
  
ETCETERA  
How rude!  
  
TUGGER  
*takes Bomb by the arm*  
It's not that I object to her profession. . .  
  
*Bomb pulls away and slaps him hard*  
  
FAC  
Down girl! Down!  
  
PRESTO  
Cut!  
  
TUGGER  
*rubbing his cheek*  
What the Heavyside was that for?  
  
PRESTO  
Tugger, watch your language. Bomb, what the Heavyside was that for?  
  
BOMB  
What?  
  
PRESTO  
Slapping him is not in the script.  
  
TUGGER  
No kidding!  
  
PRESTO  
Quiet Tugger. Well Bomb?  
  
BOMB  
I was improvising.  
  
TUGGER  
Impro-what?  
  
FAC  
Improvising! IM-PRO-VIS-ING!  
  
TUGGER  
Alright, alright.  
*struts to me*  
Wha'd he say?  
  
PRESTO  
Never mind  
  
BOMB  
Look, Mary is not going to let some rude, half-witted, ugly, pollicle treat her like that!  
  
TUGGER  
Who you callin ugly?!  
  
CARB  
She called you ugly  
  
TUGGER  
Shut up  
  
ETCETERA  
How rude!  
  
FAC  
Are we done yet?  
  
PRESTO  
FAC, sit down and shut up  
  
ETCETERA  
How rude  
  
PRESTO  
Etcetera, get off the stage and shut up!  
  
ETCETERA  
How rude  
  
PRESTO  
Macavity, would you. . .  
  
MAC  
right away  
*Mac carries Etc offstage right*  
  
ETCETERA  
*from right wing*  
How rude!  
  
PRESTO  
Sheesh  
  
MUNK  
Can we continue please?  
  
PRESTO  
Right, let's take it from Munk's solo  
  
TUGGER  
Why Munk's solo?  
  
MUNK  
We got a problem with that?  
  
TUGGER  
How come I can't finish mine?  
  
PRESTO  
Cuz it's easier this way  
  
TUGGER  
But. . .  
  
PRESTO  
Look, you know your solo right?  
  
TUGGER  
*grins smugly*  
Perfectly  
  
DEMETER  
*rolls her eyes*  
Oh brother  
  
PRESTO  
Then we don't have to rehearse it. We can go straight o Munk's. See?  
  
TUGGER  
Right, got it.  
*aside to Munk*  
Cuz HE needs to practice.  
  
MUNK  
Shut up!  
  
ETCETERA  
How rude!  
  
PRESTO  
Action!  
  
*music starts*  
  
MUNK  
Who are you, who to criticize her?  
Who are you, who to despise her?  
Leave her, leave her, let her be now.  
Leave her, leave her, she's with me now.  
If your slate is clean, then you can throw stones.  
If your slate is not, then leave her alone!  
  
*the queens gather around Bomb/Mary inquiring if she's alright, the toms/apostles mob Tugger*  
  
TUGGER  
Woah! Easy on the fur! Watch it! Don't touch the mane! Paws OFF the mane!  
  
DEMETER  
Get his mane! Get his mane!  
  
*Munk leaps onto a stage left platform and sings, Tumble, Pounce and Carb are huddled together and whispering  
  
MUNK  
I'm amazed that men like you could be so shallow, thick and slow!  
There is not a man among you who knows, or cares, if I come or go!  
  
TUMBLE, POUNCE, CARB  
Got that right  
Ya got that right  
Got that right  
Ya got that right!  
  
*munk is fuming, the three toms are laughing*  
  
FAC  
*turns to me*  
I like that better  
  
PRESTO  
*rolls eyes*  
most definitely one of those days  
*I take out my remote, point it at the stage, and hit 'rewind,' they all move backwards to just before MUNK leaps onto the platform, I hit 'play'*  
  
FAC  
Wow, a backward caffeine surge!  
  
PRESTO  
yeah, they happen  
  
*Munk leaps onto the platform and sings, Tumble, Pounce and Carb are huddled together and whispering*  
  
PRESTO  
Tumble, Pounce, Carb don't even THINK about it!  
  
*the three look stunned*  
  
CARB  
How'd she kno. . .  
  
The other two cover his mouth*  
  
MUNK  
I'm amazed that men like you can be so shallow, thick and slow.  
There is not a mad among you who knows, or cares, if I come or go!  
  
APOSTLES & QUEENS  
No, you're wrong! You're very wrong!  
No, you're wrong! You're very wrong!  
You, you're wrong! You're very wrong!  
You, you're wrong! You're very wrong!  
How can you say that?  
How can you say that?  
How can you say that?  
How can you say that?  
  
CARB  
It's easy. He just opened his mouth and. . .  
  
TUMBLE  
Shut up Carb!  
  
ETCETERA  
How rude!  
  
PRESTO  
Just keep going!  
  
*they sing the first bit of "Everything's Alright" without a glitch, I hit 'fast forward' on the remote, the song is performed in fast mo, it ends, there's a blackout, I hit 'play'*  
  
FAC  
Those are so cool!  
  
PRESTO  
yeah  
  
*eerie, faint lights come up on five Pharisees, Old D on the top platform, Asparagus on the second highest, Skimble, Admetus and Plato on the third*  
  
FAC  
How'd those three get there so fast?  
  
PRESTO  
*mysterious smile*  
the magical mystery of the theatre  
  
*music starts for "This Jesus Must Die, a brighter light comes up on Asparagus*  
  
GUS  
*in one of those cool snakelike character voices like the one Tony Timberlake used in the Les Mis anniversary vid*  
Good Caiaphas, the council waits for you.  
  
*lights come up on Pharisees*  
  
GUS  
The Pharisees, and priests are here for you.  
  
*Light comes up on Old D*  
  
OFFSTAGE VOICES  
Hosanna, Superstar!  
Hosanna Superstar!  
  
PRESTO  
Hold it!  
  
*Munk peaks out from the stage left curtain*  
  
MUNK  
Something wrong?  
  
PRESTO  
Yeah, you started to early!  
  
MUNK  
Oh! Sorry!  
  
PRESTO  
Don't worry 'bout it, just get it right next time.  
  
MUNK  
yeah  
*he exits*  
  
PRESTO  
Let's take it from Deut's solo. Action!  
  
*music starts*  
  
OLD D  
Ah gentlemen, you know why we are here. We've not much time and quite a problem here.  
  
OFFSTAGE VOICES  
Hosanna, Superstar!  
Hosanna, Superstar!  
Hosanna, Superstar!  
Hosanna, Superstar!  
  
GUS  
Listen to that howling mob of blockheads in the street!  
A trick or two with lepers and the whole town's on it's feet!  
  
(am I the only one who thinks Annas' voice is really cool?)  
  
GUS & PHARISEES  
He is Dangerous!  
  
OFFSTAGE VOICES  
Jesus Christ, Superstar!  
  
GUS & PHARISEES  
He is dangerous!  
  
*the song continues, no I'm not fast forwarding it, I like this song*  
  
PLATO  
Look Caiaphas! They're right outside our yard!  
  
SKIMBLE  
Quick Caiaphas! Go call the Roman Guard!  
  
FAC  
Yeah, just the Roman Guard. There's no need for anymore than one.  
  
PRESTO  
haha  
  
GUS  
What then to do about Jesus of Nazareth, miracle worker man, hero of pools.  
  
PRESTO  
I never understood that line  
  
FAC  
Me neither  
  
*song continues*  
  
GUS  
We dare not leave him to his only vices. His half-witted fans will get out of control.  
  
FAC  
As if they aren't already  
  
PRESTO  
yeah, really  
  
*song continues, and ends, without a glitch*  
  
PRESTO  
Well, maybe things are looking up!  
  
FAC  
knock on wood  
  
*music for "Hosanna" begins*  
  
ENSEMBLE  
Hosanna!  
Heysanna!  
Sanna, sanna  
Hosanna!  
  
FAC  
So where's Jesus?  
  
*Munk enters the stage. . .riding on an elephant, Exotica screams*  
  
PRESTO  
Munkustrap! What the Heavyside!  
  
FAC  
Watch your language!  
  
PRESTO  
Shut up  
  
ETC  
How rude!  
  
PRESTO  
Munkustrap! What's with the elephant?!  
  
MUNK  
*confused*  
You asked for one didn't you?  
  
PRESTO  
Let me think, NO!  
  
MUNK  
Are you sure? It was posted on the callboard backstage.  
  
PRESTO  
I never posted it.  
  
*Tugger and a few other toms try not to laugh*  
  
PRESTO  
Tugger?  
  
MUNK  
Rum Tum Tugger you IDIOT!  
  
*Munk leaps off the elephant and chases Tugger round the stage*  
  
PRESTO  
Boys! Settle down or I'll have to separate you!  
  
*They stop running*  
  
PRESTO  
Munk, leave Tugger alone. . .  
  
*Tugger grins smugly, Munk glares at him*  
  
PRESTO  
. . .until the rehearsal is over.  
  
*Tugger's jaw drops open, Munk grins*  
  
PRESTO  
Right, let's keep going!  
  
EXOTICA  
But what about that?  
*she points a shaky finger at the elephant*  
  
PRESTO  
Good point. Macavity?  
  
MAC  
I'm on it.  
*he carries the elephant offstage*  
  
*music starts up again, the song continues and finishes perfectly*  
  
PRESTO  
Good job  
  
*music for Simon's song starts up, Misto leaps onstage leading the ensemble*  
  
ENSEMBLE  
Christ you know I love you!  
Did you see our wave?  
I believe in you and God so tell me that I'm saved.  
  
FAC  
You're saved!  
  
PRESTO  
shhh!  
  
*Munk climbs onto the top platform, Misto leaps onto the second highest and sings*  
  
MISTO  
Christ what more do you need to convince you  
That you've made it and you're easily strong  
As the filth from Rome who rape our country. . .  
  
FAC  
How is that possible?  
  
PRESTO  
shhh  
  
MISTO  
Hands who've terrorized our people for so long!  
  
*Ensemble sings chorus, Tugger gets in Misto's face trying to get him to stop the singing, Misto (as in the script) shoves him out of his way, Tugger (as not in the script) pushes Misto back, Misto falls onto the third platform, lightning shoots from his paws and hits a curtain cord, the entire curtain falls onto the stage*  
  
PRESTO  
Tugger!  
  
*he can't hear me, there is just a red piece of cloth full of moving blobs in the shape of cats*  
  
ELECTRA  
If someone doesn't get me out of here now I'll scream!  
  
BOMB  
Don't touch me!  
  
MUNK  
Mistoffelees! What the Heavyside is wrong with you?  
  
MISTO  
I didn't do it! Tugger's the one who pushed me!  
  
TUGGER  
Right, it's called acting!  
  
MUNK  
So act this thing off of us!  
  
CARB  
Who's tail is this? Oh wait, it's mine!  
  
PRESTO  
Most assuredly, one of those days.  
*I use the force to pick up the curtain and put it back where it belongs*  
  
FAC  
Luke, I am your father!  
  
PRESTO  
don't start  
  
FAC  
too late  
  
PRESTO  
then finish!  
  
FAC  
I can do that!  
  
*Admetus starts to sing "I Can Do That" from A Chorus Line*  
  
ADMETUS  
Knew every step right off the bat  
said I can do that!  
I can do that!  
  
PLATO  
Yo Ad! Wrong time, wrong play, wrong part.  
  
FAC  
Yeah!  
  
AD  
Sorry.  
  
PRESTO  
Right, let's take it from the beginning of the second verse. Tugger, no extra acting.  
  
MISTO  
yeah!  
  
*Tugger sneers, music starts, Misto sings*  
  
MISTO  
There must be over fifty-thousand screaming loud and more for you!  
  
*later. . *  
  
MISTO  
You'll get the power and the glory  
Forever and ever and ever!  
Forever!  
Amen!  
  
*Munk starts to sing Poor Jerusalem, the ensemble slowly melts offstage, no, not literally!*  
  
MUNK  
To conquer death, you only have to die.  
You only hafto d. . .  
  
ELECTRA  
Presto!  
  
PRESTO  
Now what El?  
  
ELECTRA  
Now he's haffing!  
  
MUNK  
What the Heavyside is haffing?!  
  
ELECTRA  
The line is,   
You only HAVE TO  
not,  
You only hafto.  
  
MUNK  
*puts a paw over his eyes*  
Presto!  
  
PRESTO  
Macavity?  
  
MAC  
Yup  
  
*Mac carries El offstage*  
  
PRESTO  
Okay, let's start Pilate's Dream.  
  
MUNK  
But I haven't finished my solo yet!  
  
PRESTO  
Munk you had like half a word left!  
  
MUNK  
But it's an important half a word.  
  
PRESTO  
Fine! Make it quick  
  
MUNK  
*clears his throat*  
Die.  
  
PRESTO  
good job, moving right along.  
  
*lights come up on Macavity standing downstage left, he sings Pilate's dream, does a good job, next song starts, light's come up on the temple filled with stands selling stuff and girls dancing*  
  
ENSEMBLE  
Roll on up for my price is down!  
Come on in for the best in town!  
Take your pick from the finest wine!  
Lay your bets on this bird of mine!  
  
FAC  
But there are no birds on the stage.  
  
PRESTO  
*shrugs*  
  
*the song continues very well, Munk comes on and starts throwing all the breakable stuff*  
  
MUNK  
My temple should be a house of prayer!  
But, you have made it a den of thieves!  
Get out!  
Get out!  
  
*everyone runs into the wings, Tumble, Pounce and Carb just stand on the stage*  
  
MUNK  
*trying to go with it*  
Get out!  
  
TUMBLE  
Say please!  
  
*Munk groans and looks at me for help*  
  
PRESTO  
Macavity?  
  
MAC  
Right here  
  
TUMBLE  
You wouldn't dare!  
  
*Mac carries Tumble offstage*  
  
TUMBLE  
What the Heavyside! Put me down!  
  
*Pounce starts to exit*  
  
POUNCE  
C'mon Carb!  
  
CARB  
But, he didn't please yet!  
  
*Pounce rolls his eyes and drags Carb offstage*  
  
MUNK  
Finally!  
  
PRESTO  
Keep going Munk  
  
MUNK  
My time is almost through.  
Little left to do.  
After all, I've tried for three years.  
Seems like. . .  
  
*he's interrupted by a strange noise, I look to see FAC asleep in his chair, and snoring*  
  
PRESTO  
*I smack him*  
FAC wake up now!  
  
FAC  
*snaps awake*  
I don't wanna go to school!  
  
PRESTO  
Whatever.  
  
*Lights change, cats in frightening costumes enter for the next bit*  
  
CASSANDRA  
See my eyes I can hardly see.  
  
MUNGO  
See me stand I can hardly walk.  
  
PRESTO  
I always found it strange that they sing that line as they're walking onstage.  
  
FAC  
yeah  
  
*the song continues, soon the mob has surrounded Munk on all sides, Tugger is laughing out loud*  
  
TUGGER  
This is good!  
  
BOMB  
Except for one thing?  
  
TUGGER  
and what might that be beautiful?  
  
BOMB  
You're on right now!  
  
*she pushed Tugger onstage in time to sing a trio with Alonzo and Admetus*  
  
TUGGER, ALONZO & ADMETUS  
See our skin we're a mass of blood  
  
FAC  
no they're not!  
  
PRESTO  
would you like to buy the ketchup?  
  
FAC  
I'll shut up  
  
ETCETERA  
How rude!  
  
TUGGER, ALONZO & ADMETUS  
Change our lives oh we know you can!  
We believe you can make us well!  
You're the hope for the poor poor man!  
  
*the song continues, Munk starts to sing as they lift him onto their shoulders*  
  
MUNK  
There's too many of you!  
Don't push me!  
There's too little of me!  
Don't crowd me!  
HEAL YOURSELVES!!!!  
  
*black out, the cats drop Munkustrap and run offstage, there's a thump*  
  
MUNK  
Owww!  
  
*lights come up on him rubbing his rear, Bomb's sitting there looking at him with her arms crossed*  
  
BOMB  
Ahem!  
  
*Munk looks up to see the lights on him, he quickly lays down and pretends to be asleep, the next second he wakes up, Bomb shakes her head and starts to comfort him, She sings I Don't Know How to Love Him, all goes well, music for Damned For all Time starts, I take out my remote and fast forward the instrumental bit, when I hit play Tugger is onstage with Gus, the Pharisees and Old D*  
  
TUGGER  
Now if I help you it matters that you see  
these sorted kind of things are coming hard to me.  
It's taken me some time to work out what to do.  
I worked the whole thing out before I came to you  
  
(That word is worked isn't it?)  
  
I had no thought at all about my own reward.  
I really didn't come here on my own accord!  
Just don't say I'm  
  
(pause that I don't think goes right there very well but that's just me)  
  
Damned for all time.  
  
*the song continues, Gus grabs Tugger by the mane*  
  
GUS  
Cut the protesting forget the excu. . .  
  
*Tugger scratches Gus's paw*  
  
GUS  
Owww!  
  
PRESTO  
Tugger, what the Heavyside?!  
  
TUGGER  
No touching the mane, paws off the mane!  
  
PRESTO  
Oh please!  
  
FAC  
*singing*  
And thank you are the magical words!  
  
PRESTO  
Shut up!  
  
ETCETERA  
How rude!  
  
PRESTO  
Please can we just finish the first act?  
  
FAC  
I'm hungry!  
  
PRESTO  
Shut up!  
  
ETCETERA  
How rude!  
  
PRESTO  
Arrrgh!  
Lights, Music, GO!  
  
GUS  
We want information.  
Get up off the floor.  
  
OLD D  
We have the papers  
We need to arrest him  
You know his movements  
We know the law  
  
TUGGER  
Good, perhaps you can introduce us sometime.  
  
PRESTO  
Tugger!  
  
TUGGER  
*smirks*  
  
*the song continuelajdvncl;SKJUrfv*  
  
FAC  
What was that?  
  
PRESTO  
That's what happens when someone as arachnophobia as I am is typing and looks down to see a rather large spider crawling across the keyboard.  
  
FAC  
oh  
  
PRESTO  
yeah oh  
  
*anyway, the song continues, Tugger takes the money*  
  
TUGGER  
On Thursday night  
You'll find him where you want him  
Far from the crowd  
In the garden of Gethsemane.  
  
OFFSTAGE VOICES  
Well done Judas  
Go now Judas  
Well done Judas  
Go now Judas  
  
*Lights go black*  
  
PRESTO  
WOOO! Finally!  
  
*Lights come up*  
  
PRESTO  
That's it! The end of act one and I haven't murdered anyone yet!  
  
MISTO  
*aside to Carb*  
keyword there is yet.  
  
PRESTO  
I heard that!  
  
MISTO  
heard what?  
  
CARB  
What you just said Misto. About the keyword being yet!  
  
MISTO  
Shut up Carb!  
  
ETCETERA  
How rude!  
  
TUGGER  
So what happens now?  
  
PRESTO  
We take five!  
  
TUGGER  
Five of what?  
  
MUNK  
We take a break you idiot!  
  
TUGGER  
I knew that!  
  
PRESTO  
Whatever you say Tugger.  
  
*Demeter and Bomb start to giggle*  
  
TUGGER  
I DID!  
  
BOMB  
We didn't say anything!  
  
PRESTO   
Take five everyone!  
  



End file.
